First, we kept our stuff in caves. But as man progressed and we began walking upright and wanted more than raw meat, we needed a special place for our stuff. Hence the den...or, study. As much as most of us males hated school growing up, isn't it ironic that we would call our most important room our "study?" I prefer calling mine my den. My wife calls it my office. But whatever it is, it's MINE! My room, my space, and yes, my "MAN CAVE!" It's my private habitat where I can escape the slings and arrows of the real world. A place where I can lock myself away to ponder the deep thoughts dealing with the important issues of the times. Issues like, "Do I really want a cheeseburger instead of the greens salad that my wife wants me to eat?" Things like, "Where did that little mole come from?" Or, "Is that dirt on my shoe, or was the dog in the yard before I came in?" Plus, in your den you can do things that upsets the little lady if you do them elsewhere in the house. Like, smoking that big, fat cigar that a buddy gave you. (Make sure the window is opened and the den door is closed). Or scratching yourself in all the places that annoys the wife. Or measuring parts of your body to see if you've "still got it." Oh yea...the den or study is a cool place to be. And remember one important thing...you don't really have to do any studying in there, it's simply a word.

The first thing you must do is select a room that will be your den. Not just any old room will do. You need a manly room. Something that say's, "This is my place! My nitch in the world." If you live in a larger home and have an extra bedroom, that would work very well. A room that has a fairly good view from the window. Someplace large enough to fit in all that priceless stuff we talked about earlier. If the room has a closet, that's a plus.

A basement den will need carpeting and wallboard. Again, make sure there is no moisture in the floor or the carpeting will soon be wet. Wallboard or paneling should be nailed to studs that are installed first on the walls. If the wife complains too much about the noise your making, simply tell her, "HEY WOMAN! I'M BUILDING A DEN DOWN HERE. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS AND BAKE ME SOME COOKIES!" Then go to the emergency room at the hospital and have the electric drill removed from your...oh well, you'll find out.

A fake fireplace is a nice touch in a den. Shows that a real man lives there. It shows that a real man has designed this room. What type of fireplace do you NOT want to build? Anything French! I swear, it seems like everything in the French decor looks like a woman came up with it. No! What you want is something British, or German or Early American. If you really want to tick the wife off, build something like the fireplace below...

The first two things that you want to get is a desk and a chair. Sure, something like the president has in the oval office would be neat.

But, really, not only would it be way too expensive, but it would be the same size as your room. So, let's get serious.

There are tons of desks on the market. Go find one that you can afford and that will look good in your new den. But, also get one that is functional. Something that has the drawers that you will need and other extras that will be handy. You know what you can afford. It might be wise to get a desk that has a knee hole large enough that you can hide in when your wife yells through the door that she's going dress shopping and needs you to come along to carry the packages. See, desks do have more than one use.

Next, you need a chair to go with the desk. You want something that is affordable but also nice looking. But, above all, comfortable. You will probably be sitting at that desk for long periods trying to sort out all those bills that your wife piled up at that dress shop we talked about before. Maybe you SHOULD have gone with her after all. Oh well.

The chair you should select must be comfortable. But stylish as well. When people see it, it should say, "The butt of an important man sits here!"

But, whatever you decide, don't go overboard spending for a chair. Get something simple and durable and, again, comfortable.

Next you may want a filing cabinet. They're nice to have for papers, documents and other things. Some come with locks so you can keep those snacks that your wife says will kill you some day. Pork Rins, Slim Jim's, that block of cheese and that large bag of Doritos.

On your desk you will want to have some really cool stuff. Things like a really neat clock, maybe a name plate, a big ashtray, pen and pencil set, that old football that you won the high school game with so many years ago. One thing you may want to consider is a humidor. Get one with a false bottom so that you can store your cigars in the bottom and put candy in the top so that the stogies are hidden from the little lady. But in selecting a humidor, please don't get carried away...

Other relics that are good to consider is maybe a stuffed deer head, stuffed fish or if you can find one, a stuffed moose head. That would probably piss off the wife just enough.

But if you do find a deer head for the wall, don't paint it strange colors and if you can't get one, do not, I repeat, do not, paint an image of one on the wall. That's just wrong!

A nice coat rack is good to have in your den even if you hang your coat elsewhere in the house. If you collect hats or something like that, it's a great way to display them. Plus, you may be able to use it later on to hang yourself when those dress bills begin piling up. No, I'm only kidding.

There are a few other pieces of furniture that you "may" want to add. How about a china cabinet to display some of your keepsakes in?

China cabinets come in many styles. And it depends on the style of your room as to which to use. The plain, wood cabinet is the best because it shows that the guy here is just a plain 'ole boy. But if you want to be a little classier, you could get one in a more grand style.

Next, if your a gun collector, you need to show them off. You could go with a wall mounted gun rack, or, a free standing gun cabinet. Again, they come in all sizes and it depends on the size of the gun collection that you have as to how much space you will need. If the den has a closet, a gun safe is probably the best bet. It can be placed in the closet of the room for added security. This is even more true if your wife has a violent side to her.

If your collection is smaller, say only around 10 or 15 rifles, a simple and smaller cabinet is all you need. This would give you more wall space for hanging pictures of your old girlfriends. But you may want to have a larger gun cabinet in case your wife gets upset over those pictures. Again, I'm kidding!

And if you have the space, and like a drink once in awhile, you may want to include a small portable bar in your den. But, please, no barrel bars, they have been done to death.

Now, let's talk about window blinds. No! Not curtains, not drapes, window blinds. And don't use the tern, "window treatments", that's a woman's term. We are going to install "WINDOW BLINDS!" There are several kinds that will work nicely. The old standard Venetian blinds are still good for a den. But they may remind you of the windows in that hospital you've been spending so much time at. There are bamboo roll-up blinds that would go in the room and do the trick. They would give you an aire of relaxation and may feel a little like the jungle. You may even talk the wife into wearing a grass skirt around the house. This could be good...this could be bad. It's your bet.

But, and I can't state this strongly enough, do not, I repeat, do not let the wife talk you into something called, "vertical blinds." Yes, they are nice. But they are for a woman's room. Remember that!

And another thing to watch out for...oh jeez, I shouldn't even have to bring them up here...LACE curtains!" Watch yourself. The wife will say, "Honey, we have that set of curtains in the spare bedroom. Why not simply use those for now and we can get blinds later." If that happens, you are doomed. She will never let you take them down. And you will never, ever be able to invite your buddies into your den. They will laugh you out of the county. And no amount of free beer will stop the laughter. You have been warned! If the wife suggests this, simply say to her, "THAT'S IT WOMAN! YOUR NOT GOING TO TURN ME INTO NO SISSY-MAN! GO COOK ME DINNER. THAT'S WHY YOUR HERE! Go ahead, say it! And see who gets to that gun cabinet first.

Okay, Now you have your den. Maybe the wife is no longer talking to you but who cares? You have your den. You can go in there and lock the door and sit and admire all your stuff. But be warned...when you do get the erg and want to go up to the bedroom, the little lady just might say, "OH SURE! YOU SPEND HOURS IN YOUR STINKIN' DEN, THEN WANT ME TO GO UPSTAIRS WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE IT. WELL, YOU NO LONGER HAVE A BED IN THIS HOUSE MISTER! GO SLEEP IN YOUR DEN!" Maybe there's a few bugs to work out here.

Remember to read all manuals completely and to use your tools the way they are ment to be used. Also remember your safety equipment such as safety glasses or goggles. Remember, as they say in the commercial, "An eye is a terrible thing to waiste". Or, something like that.

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Okay, we've had fun here. I really didn't mean those things about the "little woman". So please ladies, don't write me any dirty letters. And don't stalk me in the neighborhood. Hey guys, I know that the wife is the love of your life, I know mine is. And if your wife is, in reality, a she-devil, then I'm sorry for ya.